shidsterlove ; letters to you

Last entry

shidsterlove — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:28:06 +0000

It all ends.

Friday i’m in love

shidsterlove — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:15:47 +0000

Yesterday was a sad day for me.. My comeback entry to this blog happened to be a sad one and i wish to make it up by writing happier things.

But let’s put something out of the way first. This morning i had a heart to heart talk with the boy where we hashed things out. It came to a point where i told hin what i am unhappy about and what i want and he rephrased what he meant, his feelings and what he want. Granted, i woke the man up while he was sleeping, it was four in the morning for crying out loud! But still, he apologised for hurting my feelings and actually bothered to continue the conversation though he was tired and he has shooting today. Bang bang!

Its not that i am being dramatic or over the top, though i do have tendencies to go huha over peanuts, but i was really upset. But the fact that he bothers explaining, no…its the fact that he made the first move to call/sms me. Thats what made me feel that i ought to hear his explanation……… Bah, i better stop here too. Its getting too much aunt aggie for me liking and i doubt yall are interested in my relationship woes. Plus, alls wells that ends wells.

Its friday! I dont care bout mondays blues tuesday greens and wednesdays too thursdays i dont care about you, its friday i’m in love!

I think after work i am going to go and hangout with my colleagues and chill and talk and look at boys and eat chocolate! I feel like eating cake though! Hmmm… Marmalade pantry anyone?

Its friday! What are you all doing?

Friday i’m in love

shidsterlove — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:05:38 +0000

Yesterday was a sad day for me.. My comeback entry to this blog happened to be a sad one and i wish to make it up by writing happier things.

Its friday! I dont care bout mondays blues tuesday greens and wednesdays too thursdays i dont care about you, its friday i’m in love!

I think after work i am going to go and hangout with my colleagues and chill and talk and look at boys and eat chocolate! I feel like eating cake though! Hmmm… Marmalade pantry anyone?

Its friday! What are you all doing?

aftermath

shidsterlove — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:33:19 +0000

a thousand words.. no scratch that.. a million words cannot express what i am feeling now.
being stabbed physically repeatedly does not compare to thehurt from the words that were said.
the pain is searing through my heart, and its hard to breathe, choking even. though i’m trying not to remember, but the words are simply replaying in my head, and each time it playback the pain increases ten fold. to hear that from you, the one person i really put on the pedestal for, the one person i cherish the most, it kills me. each time. the words kill me, i die each time i hear you say it in my head. you asked whether i tell her i love her everyday, i tell you its not the same, and i mean it. i love you more than her.. i love you the most. you. it’s only you. how could you even compare the two? its a different kind of love, and i am telling you now, i love you. i love you unlike any other person i ever did. i love you so much that it hurts, it hurts when i hear you say that. it hurts to know you think that. how could you? how could you? i cant breathe just thinking of it. i’m holding back tears in my waking moments and its bad. why do you even think that? dont i means as much to you as you do to me? dont you know that to know that you actually think that makes me wonder whether all of this is true? it hurts so much, why does it hurt so much? dont you know, dont you know how much you mean to me? dont you know me by now? you say it’s always been me, me, me.. but dont you know to me it’s only been you you you. everything i am doing, i am doing for you. whatever i am doing its only for you. i only think of you. i only have you. right here, right here in my heart, it’s only you. how can you say we think differently? i have never thought of you like that… it never crossed my mind. never have such thought occured to me. every part of me, every part of my life i want to share with you. hearing you say that makes me think that you think otherwise. you want your space, yes i understand, but i want to be a part of your life, your everyday life. it seems we’re fighting alot now.. but dont you hear me when we’re fighting, dont you know what i’m asking? yeah, i cause you a lot of trouble. yeah, i make you do things that you dont like. yeah, i make your life miserable. yeah, i am all of that. but all i am asking for is for some reciprocity. is that too much to ask for? oh, the hurt, the pain. when i asked you, what if she never approves, you told me that hey you’re gonna quit me and find another girl to marry. how could you give me up so easily? i felt like dying then too. and now this? you tell me this? how could you even think that? i gave you every part of me, no secrets, no stone left unturned, and you tell me that.. dont you realise that saying that just tore my heart into tiny pieces. that word, that dreadful word is really, really like a knife through the heart, stabbing me, killing me, over and over again. and how am i suppose to just ignore that? this wound can never close. you really hurt me this time. it’s really too much. you say we are two different people, we love differently. yes we are different, yes we love differently, but if you really do love me, you wouldnt be tired of seeing my fface right? how could you even think that you will? what does that say of us? what does that say of you? does it mean youre love for me is dying?

you killed me with those words.
i dont think i can get past this, this wound that you give me, this blow to my heart, i dont know whether it will ever close, and be cured.
words that have been said, cannot be undone.

Missing: Have you seen this girl?

shidsterlove — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 18:34:26 +0000

Yes, i havent been here for a very long time. A) i have been caught up with a lot of family matters b) i had a lot of angst in me that i dont even know where to start c) i was procrastinating a lot d) i have been falling sick all over again e) i was more in a reading mode rather than a writing mode.

But here i am today, and i wonder whether i really am missed in the blogosphere which brings me to my question of the day “who actually reads my blog?” well if you are reading my blog, please feel free to comment and let me know who you are because i want to put a face to the people who i am greatly thankful to!

It has been a crazy month, it being a fasting month which has finally climaxed to a month long celebration. I have been cleaning non stop and i think its about time i officially change my name to shiderella! Its clean clean, mop mop, vacumm vacumm all month and it will continue even after Raya begins… I know. I lead a tough life, please take pity on me. =)

I have a lot to write and update but i am just gonna do a quick one for now because i am actually super tired after rounding and hustling my way through the bazaar which is packed with so many people! Plus, at the coffeeshop which i am sitting now there are so many cats and my heart is not at ease.. My eyes are alternating between looking at where the cats are and typing and really, i cant damn concentrate! And yes, if you do not already know i am scared of cats or any animal that has four legs a tail and make purring sounds. Seriously i am trying hard not to scream out loud cause i want to look cool because currently i am feelig feeling celebrity.. Haha! Yes. Seriously i am play acting a role with myself and i am pretending that i am a celebrity! I like to play-act roles with myself and it always happens whenever i am bored or sitting alone, it makes time pass by faster, plus wih my active imagination it is almost always fun. That’s how i entertain myself! Its free and i can be whoeever i want to be!

Okay, before i end i just wanna take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from friends and those who know me and wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya!

Till next time,
Much love, xoxo shid!

saturday cleaning

shidsterlove — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 09:45:50 +0000

i just did a total clean from every single inch of my room. now hopefully, fingers crossed, my mum wont be bothering me with more room cleaning for at least a few days. now, in the course of my cleaning, i found essays from very loooooong time ago, which i found so cheesy i decided that it had to be burnt, because no one must ever read those pieces! your eyeballs would roll itself backwards deep down your sockets. i found poems too, badly written but kinda cute, and i have picked one or two for a special occassion that is coming up. HEHEHE..

i found un-used underwear in my book cupboard, (unused meaning, i bought them but never used them), and most probably i hid them there so my mom wont nag about me buying new things again, and most probably i have forgotten about them, not most probably, i HAVE forgotten about them.. but perhaps its cutesy colours and patterns have outgrown me becuse now, i find it absolutely cheessssssyyyyyyyyy. i’m still keeping it though, a girl can always run out of underwear. its for those “i’m glad i didnt throw it” moments.

cleaning up my room, i also found my red adidas handbag which i used to carry around, and a bright neon pink clutch bag, and some neoprints of ex-es and dates, and very old secondary school pictures. if you must know, i’d like to burn every piece of picture of me when i was aged 16 and below, because back then i looked like a man. i still do now, but t least i have class and style. back then i had nothing, and i was as black as charcoal. so please, if you have pictures of me aged 16 and below, please kindly burn them. thank you.

i can probably name all the things i found, but it will bore you to bits, plus it’s a very dreary saturday and i really dont want to write mundane stuff, and i’m just trying to use this time to think of what to actually write about. i mean, i can write about my new found love, the one who has been serenading me every night, the one i will marry should he ever propose to me, but i wouldnt want to write about obvious things like that because he will definitely propose to me the moment he sees me because i’m exotic in his eyes….

…. oh what? oh, you want to know who is my new found love? oh guys c’mon, i’m sure this is all unnecessary….. allright all right. since you insist……… dont blame me later on……

his name is T.O.P (real name: Choi Seung Hyun, singer, actor.) he is in bigbang! he is pictured with G-Dragon. he raps and beatbox. oh yeah and he is the one with the bleached hair. he works it, no?

you should hear his voice!

hot, no!

and this is the song he sings to me every night.. watch the whole music video, and you’d know why i want to be the strawberry!

sexy, noooooooo?!!!
absolutely love it… yeah i know this obsession with korean idols is getting a little bit unhealthy, but i cant help myself, why must they be so suave and charismatic! and you’ll realise that actually, the whole point of this entry is to gush about him.,. heheh. wonderful way of sidetracking, yes?

have a great weekend!
much love, xoxo Shid.

it sums it all up part deux

shidsterlove — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 06:36:51 +0000

It’s jus right, it’s jus right
A million words will never say
The way I truly feel about
The one I just can’t live without
Coz it’s like that, it’s like that
The way you move, the way you dance
The way I know the moment when
You need my love, you need my hand
And all I wanna do is see you
All I wanna do is please you
I’m hypnotized by everything you do
I hope I’m jus right for you

And baby I know, you’re the only one for me
And it’s right there on your lips
And it’s right there in your kiss
And baby I know, you’re the only air I breathe
And it’s right there on your lips
And it’s right there in your kiss

much love, xoxo Shid

it sums it all up

shidsterlove — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 05:31:49 +0000

But I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried,
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don’t need you!

So, you thought that I’d crumble to my knees
At the first ‘I love you’, crawling back to me
To whisper ‘will you leave your man?’
Cause you’d swear that this time you can stand by me.
I won’t stand by you!

‘Cause I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried,
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don’t need you!

I ain’t yours for no taking,
You must be mistaken,
I could never look into your eyes,
And settle for wrong and ignore the right

When I found a boy who loves me more,
Than you ever did before,
So stand beside the river you cried,
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don’t need you!

I’m back!

shidsterlove — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:57:24 +0000

Its been awhile since i last blogged and tremendously alot of things have happened since.. I wont be blogging about some of them because it just made my blood boil at the sheer childishness of it. If i were to sum it up in three words it would be unprofessional, childish and unreasonable. I think those who already know will probably have that smug smirk of disgust on your face. You know…. That look!

Anyway, i’ve been sick since i last blogged. Seriously i have been sick on and off over the past two weeks. At a point of time i was coughing so bad i thought i was going to die. But no, still alive and recovering. I tell you, having a dry cough plus flu plus fever = horrible time! But luckily i am well enough to fast.

Okay who am i kidding, it’ll probably will not last a month but i will definitely try.. So far the first two days have been going smoothly, no sudden pangs for cigarettes! I spent the past few days cleaning up my room, taking out the curtains and next my mum is going to make me takeout the cushion covers. Luckily no need to paint this year! I love the food and celebrations of hari raya but i hate the cleaning up part. It doesnt end! Even on the first day of raya my mum would still be cleaning something!

I was toying with my twitter account earlier.. You know, i have had twitter for awhile now but i am still clueless on how it works.. I am only limited to 160 characters and knowing how i like to beat around the bush i seriously believe it is not enough for me and i end up typing way too many tweets at one go. Plus i just figured out how to upload pictures on twitter thru my phone. Yes i am not exactly tech savvy. Anyway, as i browse through the people i am following i have come to the realisation that i only follow famous people, with the exception of three people who i am friends with even in real life.. Anyway, please follow me if u have twitter! I’m not interesting but i like to read about you!

Btw murni, i have looked at ur email.. Hehehe. I’ll get back to you by tmrw okay.. Am actually abit lazy to reply.. I know i just typed a lengthy post and during which i could have replied but heh.. Later ah!

Okay, because i am in a “lets post pictures” mood.. I’ll say gdnight with this………..

Till next time! Goodnight!
Much love, xoxo shid

What a japanese week!

shidsterlove — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:26:35 +0000

Remember my craving for okonomiyaki? Well, i met a prospect the yesterday at serangoon NEX and hehe, decided to take the opportunity to have some company for that and so brought her to botejyu. Honestly? Overrated and i hate the fill up your own order system. I had the okonomiyaki which i shared and both of us agreed that the pasar malam kind is better. Overrated! Me no likey!

Today i went to waraku with layla. Hehe. Honestly, having it twice in a week back to back is not nice, and yet i still stuffed my face with sushi and such..

Oooooh, yesterday i visited rahmat at one rochester. I tell you, one rochester is a chillax place! Very nice! I like! And the food is great! The drinks? Dont worry, when rahmat is around, drinks are always delicious! One rochester is a very ambience place, for lack of better words.. And myohmy arent you all lucky? Because it’s another picture post!

Of course, its never complete with my kawaii(cute) pictures!

An acquaintance joked after reading my blog that it is apt that i should be nicknamed fatgirl cause i am always stuffing my face and that it is also apt that food should be my superpower because j’adore food! Yeah yeah, true true! But havent you heard, kind sir that big is the new beautiful? Heheh.

Really murni? You and ur brother is nicknamed that? Hehe, if you have a superpower what do you want it to be? And by the way, please keeeeeeeep writing! I love reading ur blog! You’re on my must read list everyday! At the very top too! If you dont write, what else can i read that makes sense to me? Plus, hehehe, strawberry shortcake sounds nice! Please ma’am can i have some too? Btw can you make creme brulee? Btw, please check your facebook inbox hehe, i have a question! Btw i might have post the exact same thing in your comments on ur blog but idk whether it shows…

For the rest of you, hows ur tuesday been? For me, my knees are in pain.. Anyone has a cure for those leg cramps in the middle of the night when you feel someone is twisting your leg? Been having those and it hurts!

Till next time,
Much love, xoxo Shid.